On Renunciation |
Today I would like to talk about renunciation, or how I think about renunciation in Soto Zen. I consider Zen practice, both on the cushion and off, fundamentally, to be a practice of renunciation. By renunciation, I mean renouncing the past, letting go of memories, thoughts, and regrets, about what happened last night, last week, or years ago, as well as letting go of our ideas and yearnings for tomorrow. I find the anticipation that I feel or the way I “plant” myself in fantasies and desires for the next thing — a vacation, a new movie, a special meal — replaces my present, living experience. Being able to let go of our regrets and memories, our anticipation, desires, planning, and so on, is necessary to connect with the living presence of this moment, to be able to join the fullness of being that’s unfolding right now. The “glue” that connects our memories and regrets, our anticipation and yearning, the glue that creates and sustains the story of “me and my life,” is our thinking. Thinking creates and sustains the experience of a continuous and a separate self. So, letting go of our grasp on separation is a kind of renunciation. In the book No Beginning, No End, Jakusho Kwong wrote about renunciation saying, At the moment of renunciation, you have to die and give up. And in a way that is ordination. There’s no way around it for anyone. You have to renounce. Dogen…emphasizes the point by writing that when various people devoted themselves to the Dharma, they actually preserved the Dharma, which was contained in their renunciation of the world. And that then they received the precepts….renunciation does not mean turning our back on the world. It means turning our back on the conditions that cause suffering — greed, anger, and ignorance. … through renunciation, we give up the dualistic conditions and strong ideas of self that separate us from reality. This is exactly what we are surrendering. … renunciation is not anti-life but refers to a way of living that gives life. I think another way to view renunciation is the way Pema Chodron talks about denial. She said in the first years after moving to Nova Scotia to be the teacher and director of Gampo Abbey, that the other residents would point out her shortcomings, but she couldn’t hear it. She couldn’t really take it in, and she said that this went on for several years, with different people trying to give her feedback. When one day she finally heard what they had been telling her about how her behavior was affecting them, and at last the message got through. She said that she realized that she was a terrible director. She said, “That’s what it means to be in denial; you can’t hear anything that doesn’t fit into your fixed identity.” She said, “Even something positive … is filtered through this fixed identity. [and] You can’t take it in unless it’s already part of your self-definition.” She talked about when your life, or inner life, is in crisis, saying, “you might feel as though your whole world is crumbling. But actually it’s your fixed identity that’s crumbling.” She referred to this as a “fixed-identity crisis.” Being still with our self, getting to know what we identify with, how we define our self is a way to begin loosening our grip on our self-identity or our fixed identity. When we see what we are doing and the difficulty it causes, we can start to loosen our clinging to it, which is the beginning of renouncing the feeling that we are fixed and unchangeable. So, our identity is just another thing to be aware of and practice with — just another thing to loosen our grip on. Shyalpa Tenzin Rinpoche wrote a book called Living Fully, Finding Joy in Every Breath, and one chapter from it was published in the Shambhala Sun called “The Beautiful Energy of Thoughts.” I think this phrase, “the beautiful energy of thoughts,” — is so refreshing, especially in contrast to how we usually view thinking in the context of meditation practice, where thinking is usually considered a detriment, an obstacle, a hindrance, or something that we are doing wrong. The article began, “Destructive habits and careless behavior are the cause of our suffering.” And he talked about when we narrowly focus on ourselves, through discursive thoughts and negative emotions, that these obscure the naturally expansive, luminous nature of mind. So, how do we avoid obscuring the naturally expansive nature of mind, and experience the beautiful energy of thoughts? Shyalpa Tenzin suggested letting each thought remain in its own place. I think we have a habit of letting our thoughts take over, half-consciously allowing one thought to lead to another as if they were strung together in a constant stream like a long train. He said, When you experience each thought in its completeness, the energy of the thought arises and dissolves in its own place. Therefore, you do not need to tamper with your thoughts. …When the energy of each thought is complete and independent, it is liberated upon arising and leaves no trace. He went on to talk about having space for each thought to be complete and independent, saying that “an independent thought is natural energy that is fresh, vivid awareness. It is not dependent upon further support.” Being present with a thought as it arises, exists, and passes away — just being right here removes the connector between this thought and a long stream of associations. So, rather than thoughts being like one pearl on a long necklace, Shyalpa Tenzin brought up the idea that each thought can be an independent existence. Being with one thought at a time is being present — aware that a thought is part of the environment of zazen in this moment, while our basic activity is just being awake. Sometimes consciousness is compared to the mirror-like quality of a still lake that reflects things just as they are, or to the clear quality of still water that allows you to see all the way down to the bottom. Whereas our usual consciousness, which is dominated by our conditioning and habit energy, tends to be constantly thinking about something, always involved with an object. This is compared to the distorted reflection or murkiness of a lake that’s been stirred up. In zazen when we are deeply settled, the mind is calm and clear so that when a thought arises, it is just a solitary thought, without the energy and momentum that connects our usual self-centric story. I think of this like a glass of carbonated water after most of the bubbles have risen to the top and burst. The clear water is like the still mind, with the occasional bubble or thought rising to the surface, now and then. The experience of having a thought, one thought, can be distinguished from the process of thinking, in that, thinking moves along under its own steam, each thought creating another, and another, bringing us along with it. In order to experience the fresh energy of thought, Shyalpa Tenzin said, Look directly at the source of each thought rather than following its trail. …Habits are a form of energy, and energy emerges and subsides like waves on the surface of the ocean. When you recognize the source, the energy will self-liberate upon arising…. the source of your thoughts is pure energy arising from emptiness. Looking directly at the source of our thinking is like the teaching in the Fukanzazengi to learn “the backward step that turns your light inwardly to illuminate your self,” or the line from the Song of the Grass Roof Hut, “Turn around the light to shine within, then just return.” These practices are to turn awareness away from objects back to the source of awareness. When this happens, there is simply awareness, a holistic awareness that isn’t broken in two creating a subject and object. The Sensory Awareness teacher, Charlotte Selver, spoke about thinking a little differently, she said, …many people have learned to say to themselves, ‘Stop thinking,’ and then they control their thoughts and try to stop their thinking. Like somebody who is being choked, thoughts are being choked off. But, … we are sometimes very desirous to come to quiet….this state of quiet is something wonderful. Quiet is not dullness. Quiet is also not forbidding thoughts. Quiet is a different state into which we gradually … come. You cannot stop thinking from one moment to the other without violating your thinking, but you can — when you feel you would like to rest — gradually allow the giving up of thoughts… it’s not a command with the expectation that right away something will happen. It may be a long way which we have to go until we can gradually allow — altogether — more quiet…. In zazen, try not to fight or resist your thinking. Rather just let thoughts come and go on their own, without adding anything extra — without continuing a train of thought by developing it. In the small book Soto Zen, Shohaku Okumura wrote about Dogen’s phrase, “non-thinking,” which refers to a mind that is awake and conscious, not lost in thought or intentionally engaging thought. Okumura Roshi compared non-thinking to a car engine that’s idling in neutral. Even though the engine is turned on and working, the gears aren’t engaged so the car doesn’t move. He said when we think non-thinking, “We cannot say that there is no thinking. And we cannot say that we are thinking.” He said that “Thoughts are simply idling.” So, in zazen, the mind is alive and able to function but it isn’t actively producing and following a train of thought. When thoughts arise, if the mind is bright and alert, it is much easier to let them flow through without sticking to them or getting lost in them. Okumura Roshi said, “…by keeping an upright posture, without either rejecting or chasing after anything, we aren’t controlled by delusive thoughts.” In order to be fully, wholly here, right here, engaged, open and responsive, we need to be grounded in this moment … just this moment, again and again, breath after breath. I came across some instructions by the 11th century Indian monk Tilopa which are translated as, “Six Words of Advice” or the “Six Nails of Key Points.” These Six Words of Advice or Six Nails are: Let go of what has passed, also translated as Don’t recall. Let go of what may come, or, Don’t imagine. Let go of what is happening now, or, Don’t think. Don’t try to figure anything out, or, Don’t examine. Don’t try to make anything happen, or, Don’t try to control. The last is, Relax, right now, and rest. “Letting go of what has passed” is a kind of renunciation of memory in that it allows our personal history, or the story we make up about who we are, to drop away, including our regrets and grudges. “Letting go of what may come” is a renunciation of our imaginary future. “Not trying to figure things out” is renouncing anticipation or expectations, including our strategies and plans. “Not trying to make things happen” means letting go of our need to control and instead trusting in the security of this moment, allowing things to unfold. And “Relax, right now, and rest” is a renunciation of goals and achievements, of ambition and trying. In practice it also means trusting that we have everything we need — that we were born complete. We might say we were born complete for practice, that we don’t need to acquire anything else or to try to change ourselves in order to be able to practice. In the Santa Cruz Zen Center newsletter, Kokyo Henkel talked about letting go. He said, “In the end, letting go comes down to being present and aware of what we’re holding onto, and releasing our grip in that moment. Zazen is like an all-encompassing renunciation practice. Since we emphasize a particular upright posture, if we sit still long enough we’ll find some holding on; one has to let go of the wish to move or to do something more interesting. It’s renunciation to just patiently let go of those urges to move or do something else. Zazen is letting go of moving, letting go of thoughts about past and future, and ultimately letting go of all conceptual elaboration, this is an endless lifetime practice. Nobody finishes zazen practice, ever!” As we sit, try to allow each breath to come and go on its own terms, allowing the universe to breath you…breath by breath just coming and going, always right here. Each exhalation is an opportunity to let go, to be a renunciant by trying not to hold on… to anything. By just sitting, we are making an offering, giving our body and mind completely to zazen, giving ourselves completely to the universe which may be manifesting right now as zazen. Copyright © 2026 Josho Pat Phelan |